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Rules for Bollywood
1) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
through it before long.
3) Nothing is too tight for Madhuri.
4) The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa)
unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
5) Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other
situation.
6) Village girls who live among cows and sheep have perfect skin
and teeth.
7) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero, but he
will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the
chick.
8) A large group of goondas can be shooting at the hero with
machine guns, yet they will always miss. Every shot the hero takes
from his small revolver will knock down at least ten opponents in a
line.
9) If you decide to start dancing in a field, everyone you bump
into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated
outfits.
10) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack
you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you
have knocked out their predecessors.
11) You can always find a trimurti when you need one. (as in
Anjaam)
12) If faced with certain death, do not panic. Merely chant,
Ganpati Baba, and after a few short bolts of lightning, all will be
well.
13) A heroine will have time to change outfits several times in
one song, however short.
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